I think I still haven’t found my ground on how to respond when I see people around me get sick. It’s sad—obviously. But, what should I do? It’s still quite traumatising after all this time. The sheer powerlessness is just so engulfing. Turns out nothing can guarantee that it’s gonna get better. Not even money—which I don’t have.
It got me perplexed. I know somehow it’s natural, it’s part of the flight-or-fight-or-freeze system that happened to be a mammalian thingy. But, can I actually choose tho? I want to choose fight.
I used to think that some option was energetically more efficient—or costly—than the other. But, after a brief contemplation, I arrived at the conclusion that no option has less effect on the mental state.
If I choose fight, it might be the coolest way, but it will just immediately consume my energy. How can I be sure that I will have all the energy if it goes to be a long run? A marathon.
If I choose flight, that is to run away from the problem, it’s the least cool option, it costs less energy at the beginning, but the guilt—I darn sure—will eventually suffocate me in no time. The remorse will be haunting.
To freeze seems like logically the less energy-consuming way. It looks like it. I mean, you literally do nothing. But, it’s not.
The thing about freezing, it’s only your body freezing, it’s not even all part of it. Your heart doesn’t freeze. Your lungs don’t freeze. When you freeze, everything else moves faster. It’s basic relativity.
And the most terrifying thing about freezing is you don’t know when to stop. You could freeze for a long time and not have a single glimpse of what’s actually happening. You could think everything will stay the same if you do nothing. It won’t.
It’s not correct to say that when you freeze nothing will change. Change is immanent. It’s the profound truth of existence. Things will change. Things always change. When you freeze, things will definitely change, maybe for the worse. That’s not good.
Maybe the life that we have to go through is just a constant struggle to have the audacity to always choose fight. To be brave and strong enough to endure it when things go uncomfortable. Perhaps it won’t last too long. Because at the end of the day, the night will always turn into a morning. Unless the earth is being swallowed by the sun. I hope the earth choose fight too.
